Wednesday, February 16, 2005

help i can't stop writing bad poetry

I've got to pull my focus off of my suck rat love life and concentrate on today: tonight is the big gig! I'm doing two new songs and a "new" one that's really an old one but I revised the lyrics (I do that a lot). The rehearsal with Neal (guitar) and Jean (percussion) went very well and I know it'll be a lot of fun. I love performing. It's better than exercise for getting me up and out of a depressive slump. And I can feel a depressive slump coming on because the time is coming when I'll have to stop seeing this guy who's obviously in love with me but it's just not happpening on my side. why why why why why why why Why don't I fall in love like other people? This guy was the end of a goddamn four-year dry spell of first dates and second dates and third dates but nothing real, nothing solid, nothing that stuck, just more first dates and more first dates. I've been through online dating and blind dating and dating men I've met at gigs, at work, on the bus, through friends, while volunteering, at church, at synagogue, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.

I have nothing again. It's just me here. Alone. If music is the only thing I can fill my life with, music is not enough.

(No, the gentleman in question does not have online access, online savvy or even any online interest, can you believe it? I wouldn't post this kind of thing about anyone who I thought might read it.)

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