Sunday, June 19, 2005

Slowing Down

I don't know what the situation is with other bloggers, but I've discovered what it is that motivates me to maintain this blog: unhappiness. Mostly pain, confusion and discontentment have driven my postings as I've used this website as a vehicle for my questions about life and why I do it so badly. I can now discern this because I've posted just three times all month and that dearth of writing is the result of me having other things to do that make me feel happy.

It's not just that I've been too busy to blog. I have been busy, but I've also had free time, but each time I've considered blogging, I've felt a lack of that old need, that emptiness that causes my desire to connect with another human being. Is it gone for good? (I'm sure it's not.) Will it come back? (It's certain.) Can I find other motivations to blog? (Probably.) I hope so because I do enjoy it.

Right now I envy bloggers who are driven by discontent with our country's political situation, desire to bring truth to light or plain old monetary need/greed. Their motivators are undoubtedly steadier than mine, although I would have bet that my unhappiness was as certain as gravity. And it was for 23 years.

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