Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Not Engaged!

(I continue to struggle with the stupid new blogger beta version which makes posting (and commenting on others' blogs) difficult. I used to love blogging. Now it's time-consuming and constipated.)

(I continue to struggle with the stupid new blogger beta version which makes posting (and commenting on others' blogs) difficult. I used to love blogging. Now it's time-consuming and constipated.)

I had a very nice Christmas with my new boyfriend. He still feels like a new boyfriend because I'm still amazed that I'm in a relationship at all. Denial? I guess so. I can't believe I'm capable of real, long-term commitment. But we've actually been dating since last January, which means it's been a year. Incredible.

I'm aware of increasing questions about when we're moving in together or getting engaged. After all, we're in our 40's and quite old in the world of dating. Many couples who meet in their mid 30's or 40's end up moving in or getting married within months. They say by that age people know what they want and when it feels right, it feels right. I've known many couples who were older (mid 30's or 40's) who made permanent commitments to each other within about a year of falling in love (Modigli!).

Not us. I would love to report that, after a year of dating, my boyfriend proposed to me on Christmas Day and I said yes and we're setting a date, but it would be a lie. The truth is that an engagement would sink us at this point. I might say yes because I'm a 40-year-old spinster, but then I'd freak out and feel trapped and start resenting him. And he could buy the ring and put in on my finger, but he'd sense my emotions and feel rejected and angry. His anger would mask his own fear of giving up his 44-year-old bachelorhood and freedom and our relationship would go right down the crapper. The end.

Good news: my boyfriend didn't propose and we have no plans to get married any time soon and we're happy! But I know this makes us abnormal and freakish losers, but that's my life. I said to a friend yesterday, "When it comes to that path to marriage, some people are in the fast lane, some are in the medium lane and some are in the slow lane. Me and Bob are just getting on the on-ramp."

sigh

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