Today I woke up after four hours of sleep and suddenly remembered that I have friends who earn money in some way from the vocations they have chosen (art and music) and I did too, but then I got fired. I've been fired from my musician job. I'm sure it's just as well since I was in over my head and if I were still working there I'd be really stressed right now since this week begins the new term and I would have had a dozen new songs to learn, including some to learn on guitar. Plus I'd be working in this high pressure situation in which I'd be aware I wasn't doing the job they wanted and I'd REALLY better freaking RELAX right NOW. It would have been bad.
But I don't know what to do now. I really don't think I should try to get another baby job. Why don't I take a hint? It's time to start finding and talking to people who are doing musician jobs that I AM qualified for, or that at least I could actually do. I guess my confidence is pretty shot right now. What can I do? I don't know anymore. Of the 18 (make it 19) jobs I've had since I left grad school, half have been jobs I didn't have the background for, but was able to figure out as I went. That's how this job was supposed to go, but it didn't. Am I unable to do that anymore?
I feel old and untrainable. I feel discouraged.I spent $1500 on a life coach and worked hard on all the steps and all our work got me to that job as a baby music teacher. I wasn't supposed to be left with a waitressing job, a $1500 hole in my savings account and the knowledge that others are earning money in their fields but I'm not because I was fired. I was fired from a music job. Who cares about being fired from a deskjob or a babysitting job? But I have now been fired from music. I think it's time for another cake.