Friday, July 20, 2007

too happy to tell that I'm unhappy?

Trying to figure out if I should marry my boyfriend, I'm reading a book on compatibility in relationships and it's making me think that my boyfriend and I are compatible in most important ways, except one: how much we engage in serious conversations about politics, social patterns, global policies, interpersonal dynamics, etc. If I want to talk about an article that shows how men and women are genetically programmed to interact in certain ways, he'll listen, but he doesn't have a lot to say about it. I have to go to other friends in order to get a real discussion going. And I regularly need those kinds of discusssion.

I hadn't been worrying about this, but now I'm imagining that we could get married, but in a few years I'll go, "What am I doing? I need to be with someone who has an analysis of our foreign policy with North Korea!" It could be a long time before I realize how truly unhappy I am because I've been very happy so far. Things have been great. But how can I be happy when we don't think the same way? How can I be happy when we're not having the discussions I need to have? How could I be so happy with this guy when we're not really compatible?

I'm stressed about this and still gaining weight. It's so easy to see how people become obese if worrying about your marriage puts a couple of pounds on you a week. Maybe this has all been a mistake. I was trying so hard not to be one of those spinsters who settles down with someone with whom she's not really compatible just because she's so old and tired of being alone.

I thought I was happy, but maybe I was wrong.

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