So I had a rough summer, a not-much-better trip to South America and came back feeling more depressed than ever. I ate a lot.
By the end of September, I had begun to pull out of it. I got back to my healthy eating habits. I started to lose the weight I put on in the aftermath of the trip. It felt like things were going to be okay.
Then some personal experiences hit me hard and I plunged back into the sugar-and-processed-food freefall. Last week I was eating MacDonald's, buying chocolate bars and hunting Hostess cherry fruit pies. Last Wednesday morning, my el train pulled into the stop where I get off for work, just as thunder rumbled overhead. The skies were dark and I recognized the moments just before a storm hits. As we commuters filed down the stairs and out to the street, the first large drops began to fall. I hadn't brought an umbrella and knew that if I wanted to stay mostly dry, I had just enough time to make a break for either my office building or Bennison's Bakery at the corner of Davis and Maple
As I ordered a single-layer red velvet cake, the rain began to pour. The bakery worker offered me a plastic bag to keep the cake dry. I took it from his hands, saying I'd put the cake in myself.
I walked to one of their little cocktail tables, got out a knife and fork I had brought, carefully untied the string on the box, opened it up and cut myself a slice. As I casually chewed the reddish chocolate cake and chilled cream cheese icing, I watched the rain pound down. It must have been the medicating properties of the sugar that kept me calm and certain that the downpour would stop by the time I needed to leave the bakery for work.
As I finished the second slice of cake, the rain let up, then changed to a light drizzle. I boxed up the rest of the cake and carried it out in its plastic bag. I hardly even got damp by the time I reached my building. Did I share the rest of that cake with my co-workers? No, I nibbled on it all day long and finished it just before five o'clock. Grubbing on sugar like that really depletes me. For the first time in a long time, I had to lie down for 10 minutes in the afternoon, to try to get my energy up. I just felt tired all day, like I was fighting an overwhelming need for sleep. Sugar really doesn't do anything good for my body, even though my brain is addicted to it.
After that I really focused on trying to stop feeling so bad. With help, my mood eventually improved over the weekend and as of yesterday, I am back on the wagon. I now have a 48-hour streak going of no processed foods or sugar. My body just can't take that kind of eating for too long.