Sunday, March 20, 2011

I don't want children

It occurs to me that anyone who has just started reading my blog might wonder why I have chosen to stay child-free. The reasons appear in a post I wrote over five years ago, at the age of 39. Take a look. This post also contains the phrase "at the overripe-and-only-good-for-soup age of 39," which now offends me (and I apologize), but which I still find humorous.

But if you don't like clicking, I'll summarize:

1. Not interested in the lifestyle (devoting all time/energy/money to a child and all the stuff that children need)
2. I don't like being needed by others.
3. Don't think I'd make a good mother (please don't try to argue. This is completely subjective, obviously)

I also submit the following articles which sort of back me up on the lifestyle reason:

Kid Crazy: Why We Exaggerate the Joys of Parenthood - Discussion of the myth that children make you happier than you were before.

Child-Free by Choice - Studies suggest that a child-free marriage might be more satisfying for some because the arrival of children often creates a crisis for the couple.

I'd also like to add that I believe that life is very challenging, if not full of suffering, and I just don't have the heart (guts? ego?) to bring someone into the world. I didn't ask to be here and no one's asking me, so I'll just leave it be.

(Also, as far as I can tell, every single mother on the planet worries about being a bad mother and I have enough to worry about just living my own life.)


Sandii said...

didn't we cover this already though??? have people been raising it again?

Regina said...

Sandii, maybe it's because the U.S. Mother's Day is coming up on 8 May, but I'm feeling focused on this topic right now. A lot of women feel bad around Mother's Day because no one celebrates the women without children. But I do! I've started my own tradition of having a party around Mother's Day for those of us without kids (whether by choice or circumstance).

Sandii said...

fair enough but i have to say, mothers day is significant to mothers because as a mother, we do all the things you say are the reasons you don't want children so i think we should be celebrated and it's the one day when we can really be thanked for all the thankless things we do every day! not just by our children but if we are lucky enough to have a partner who recognises that we never stop working, even when we sleep, it's never a full night because of worry or anxiety or pure happiness about something that has taken place.

so yes, i support your decision to not have children and understand it but mothers day belongs to the mothers because we choose to do all the things that people without children, in particular those who do it by design have chosen not to do... the hardest yards i've ever done in my life! by choice!!!!

Regina said...

Sandii - Yes, Mother's Day should belong to mothers. Being a mother looks like the hardest, most draining and thankless job in the world. All mothers deserve all the appreciation they can get!