Thursday, April 28, 2011

An Un-Mother's Day Party

I am a 44-year-old Mexican American woman who has lots of friends, but most of them have never been married. Also, most of my friends are not mothers. I somehow manage to seek out peers who have not followed the socially prescribed life path.

Sunday, May 8th is Mother's Day in the United States, but this Sunday, I'm having a luncheon party for those of us who will not be celebrated as mothers on the 8th. Mother-reverence is universal and sadly, so is the devaluing of non-mothers. Many people believe that women with children are more important than women without them, especially those of us who chose not to have them. Our lives are considered less productive, less meaningful, less full of love and joy. Women who have not become mothers are seen as sadder, emptier people who have failed to achieve our prime mission in life.

I don't believe it. I celebrate myself and all my women friends who are not mothers, whether it's because we haven't had kids yet, have chosen not to or are undecided. There are hundreds of ways to give birth to dreams, projects, creative pursuits, careers and even ourselves. I have a full life without room for a baby, but I feel the pressure and judgment of a society that sees my uterus as "barren." For my friends who feel similarly, this Sunday's celebration is for us.


Sandii said...

Regina, I am shocked that you have experienced such negativity about not having children. I have many friends my age who don't have children, either because they are yet to meet someone or can't or choose not to. I have asked them all if they've received this sort of treatment or feel the same way as you and they are all as shocked as I am.

A life is a life whether it's given life to another or not. We are all equal. The only person who can make you feel less is yourself in my opinion so do not allow such feelings into your life!!!

Enjoy your party!

BTW - I would never blog something I haven't already or wouldn't be prepared to say to someones face.

Regina said...

Sandii - Wow, we really live in different worlds. Thanks for the positive words, but while it's sometimes true that you can simply ignore what others think, it's undeniably hard to feel good about yourself in an environment that teaches you that you aren't as important as others. But that's what this party is all about: feeling great about ourselves regardless of what anyone else thinks. And, yes, we will enjoy it!

Sandii said...

mmm yes, ignoring the negative people in this life can be tough! but we're doing it, every day we wake up and face the world, we're doing it! x

Mick said...

Have fun at the party.