Thursday, January 24, 2013

I want to bend easily again

(Can you find the dog in this photo?)

I want to be part of the fat acceptance movement, but I'm having doubts. The 25 pounds I put on since October have added to and subtracted from my happiness. I love not worrying about restricting food or fitting into a size 10. Loosening up my eating has accompanied a general sense of self-acceptance and well being. I'm nice to myself now! But to whine: I'm tired of not being able to bend the way I used to. Tying my shoes, drying off from a shower, folding forward in yoga class and other movements are quite uncomfortable if not impossible with the additional fat around my middle (where most of my extra weight goes). Because I put on this weight so suddenly, I have a clear memory of what life was like at 130 pounds and how much easier it was.

I'm also tired of the odd aches and pains that have increased since my gut ballooned, especially the pains in my abdominal and chest areas. I know: whine, whine, whine, complain, complain, complain. Maybe if the weight had snuck up on me over decades, I wouldn't feel so awkward about it. Or if I'd been fat from childhood, I'd have nothing to compare this to and I'd be used to this level of flexibility.

Unfortunately, I remember exactly what it felt like to slide socks on easily or grasp the bottom of my feet in yoga class. I remember not getting out of breath from simply darting across the room and back again.

I know being 5'2" and 155 pounds isn't that much fat-wise and I feel like a huge whiner and sellout of the fat acceptance movement. But how much does physical discomfort count? I'm not talking about looking-in-the-mirror discomfort (although there's that, too), but pulling-on-my-socks-and-shoes discomfort. Chest pain discomfort. Does this discontent with my new size make me anti-fat?


Regina Rodriguez-Martin said...

Please someone: feel free to tell me if I'm being a whiny "thin" person who just doesn't understand fat acceptance.

Sally said...

Does acceptance necessarily equal "I like every part of this state of being?" I think not. In fact, the not-like is probably an important component of acceptance. If it was all wonderful, it would be easy.

Pusher of Pens said...

I don't hear (see?) any whining here.

While I think the idea of the 'fat acceptance movement' is a great one, I don't think that you should just 'deal' with whatever physical ailments you have in order to make a point, or prove your own validity in said movement. Is it wrong to say that I am not part of nor understand the fat acceptance movement just because I'm not fat?

I think loving yourself is taking care of yourself, no matter what size. Taking steps to ease/eradicate the abdominal or chest pains, to gain flexibility, to increase your stamina are not an example of lacking self-acceptance, they are steps to a happier You. Nothing will be perfect, but we all know the truth about perfection.

Fuck the labels and political correctness for a moment. What you do with your body is your own. As long as you are acting with your health and happiness in mind, this is all that matters.

Regina Rodriguez-Martin said...

Thank you, Sally! You're right: acceptance doesn't mean loving every detail. That makes me feel much better.

Pusher of Pens - your comment makes me feel better, too. Acting with my own health and happiness in mind IS the priority. Thanks.

Regina Rodriguez-Martin said...

Blogger is having problems taking comments these days. If you try to comment here and are unable to, feel free to email me directly at "reginamrm" at the website you'd use to see Yahoo News. Thanks.