And Dispenza's approach worked! I succeeded in taking a HUGE step towards getting myself to believe I’m a wonderful person who deserves to be happy in every way! Apparently I was finally ready to reach this level of self-acceptance after decades of healing with many other methods. In the past two months I’ve been treating myself much better and the hateful critical voice in my head has really shut up.
I’ve been so happy and impressed by how well Dispenza’s meditation technique has worked for me that I set my next goal: getting back the body I used to have. Specifically, I want to be able to do a full plow pose again (basically fold my body in half). I also want to sit and touch my nose to my knee again. Those two yoga moves took no effort for me at all until I put on 45 pounds between fall 2012 and summer 2013. As much as I’ve tried to accept my chubby body and peacefully live as a size 18 woman, I’ve missed my old slim body and I want it back. (I'm sorry, fat acceptance movement, but I failed to reach enlightenment. I feel bad about this. If I were a better person, I'm sure I would just accept the pudgy me, but I just don't want to stay here. Oh, well...)
Per Dispenza’s guidelines, I’ve been gratefully, joyfully visualizing myself doing a full plow pose, touching my nose to my knee, zipping up jackets that haven’t fit in over a year, etc. The gratitude and relief of having my real body back floods through me as I meditate. What I DON’T do is even consider counting calories, increasing exercise or doing any of that punishing food restriction I used to do. Dispenza says that when it comes to your dreams and goals, “It’s not your job to try to create it. It’s your job to design it.” So all I’ve done since December is visualize my former body with a feeling of gratitude as if I've already attained it, and guess what? Just doing that caused my appetite and sweet tooth to start decreasing! Last month I wondered, “Can I meditate myself thin??”
At the end of Dispenza’s meditation he says to ask universal consciousness (or whatever he calls it) for a sign. It’s supposed to be a sign that’s so unexpected and surprising that you know it’s the quantum field working with you to meet your goal. I’m doubtful about his language because I don’t believe in “signs.” But I do believe in coincidences and I like this one.
Last week I came across an excellent book that I read a year ago but had forgotten about (Deep Nutrition: Why Your Genes Need Traditional Food). I started reading it again and this time the information sank in. With my sweet tooth weakened, traditionally healthy foods sounded very appealing. Believing that I deserve the best, I began to see vegetable oils and sugar as kinda gross. The day after I rediscovered Dr. Shanahan's book, I prepared beef liver for dinner. Mmmm. Then I threw out my salad dressings, crackers, cookies and any nuts roasted in vegetable oil. I went out and bought sprouted whole grain bread, an entire naturally raised chicken (which I simmered into stew), raw sunflower seeds and full fat yogurt. I carefully bought cashews roasted in peanut oil, not canola or any other vegetable oil. (See Dr. Cate Shanahan's website for some of the information that's in her book.)
Do you think finding that book was "a sign from the universe?” I don’t because that’s a hokey phrase and I don’t believe in a mechanistic universe that “sends signs.” But I am very grateful for the timing. My weight was down about 10 pounds when I left for California on January 11th and with this traditional way of eating, that progress will continue. I still don’t fit into my size 14 blue jeans (that have sat in my drawer unworn for the past year), but this morning I was a little bit closer. I still can’t do a full plow, but today I managed a shoulder stand, which put me in a good mood!
Believing I'm a lovable person who DESERVES to be happy -- truly believing that in my subconscious core -- is the key to being able to treat myself well. Wanting to truly treat myself well, without inner conflict, has reduced my junk food cravings and made traditionally nutritious food look really good. Natural foods, meat-on-the-bone and full fat dairy products taste delicious to me. I’m even enjoying the sprouted whole grain bread. (But no rules this time: if I feel like indulging in dessert or chips, I do.) I have hope that I might finally be happy enough to crave foods that bring my body peace and true health. And that plow pose.
|Me doing plow pose in 2012. I WILL do it again! (Please ignore the dog.)|