Saturday, April 15, 2017

Dating while depressed


When you're in a major depressive episode, get off your dating apps. I'm not talking about having a blue day. I'm talking about the chronic emotional disorder: clinical major depression that warps your view of the world. If you suffer from this and you're single and you've been trying to meet someone, but you find yourself at the bottom of that hole once again, get off OK Cupid and Tinder and Plenty of Fish or you might have exchanges like this.

Him: Hi. You're beautiful.
You: Hi.
Him: I'd like to get to know you.
You: How are you with moody depressives?
Him: Good as long as they're at least half nude.
You: Never mind.

Or like this.

Him: Hello. How are you?
You: Not good.
Him: Why not?
You: Life sucks.
Him: How so?
You: Haven't you noticed?
Him: No.

And then you can't be bothered to respond because he's obviously delusional.

Being in a major depressive episode can make you not care about anything and see others as in another world that has nothing to do with you. Of course most people have no idea what chronic depression really is and if you have a conversation with them, they might try to make you feel better. I made the mistake of having an initial phone call with a very nice man, telling him about my mental condition and then having to listen to story after story of how he had dealt with adversity. He seemed to hope his optimism would inspire me and that after hearing how his grandmother told him to pull himself together, I'd say, "Hey, I feel better now! Thanks." Instead, he talked and talked and I became increasingly bored and sleepy until he muttered that I didn't "get it" and we ended the call.

It might seem like those quick-contact apps and websites can alleviate your feeling of isolation, but they really won't. If you're a woman with good photos on your profile, you can get someone's attention pretty easily, but interacting with him will just lead you back to the conclusion that you're incapable of normal human behavior and ever being loved. So just don't do it.

What do you do instead? I don't know. If you've already called your psychiatrist and had your medication adjusted and talked to your therapist and spent time with friends and gotten some exercise and meditated and had a good night's sleep, then maybe try another box of donuts.

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